Conformation: The Structure of a Breed; The Foundation for our Love.

All purebred dogs began as mongrels. This is a simple fact- even primitive breeds like Siberian Huskies, Malamutes and Akita were once a much more varied and substantially less finessed version of themselves. Those dogs, of course, were of working origin and the prevailing opinion of this blogger is that the show ring has done a general disservice to working dogs' functionality.  But dog shows do make, in most cases, PRETTY ANIMALS with pristine coats and bright expressions (give me liver while I prance, damn you!) and at the very least are often the doorway through which future dog lovers and dog advocates enter this crazy world. So they can't be ALL bad, even if Bulldogs can't even mate unassisted anymore......

Anyhow, for small companion breeds, Chihuahuas in particular, the physical/temperamental changes that come with a concentrated breeding program have been much less severe. They do not look exactly as they did 100 years but the dog is still easily id'd as a Chi as opposed to say comparing, a Bull Terrier to its forebear. Chihuahuas were always small, they were always feisty and, upon entering the modern world, they were always coveted.
Below we see an example of a vintage Chi, a championed show dog from 1969:

And here is an example of a modern champion, the dog who went Best of Variety at Westminster in 2011:

Not really that radical of a change now, is it? Feasibly, these dogs could travel through time and space and go on to place in each others' rings. I suppose for arguments sake, from 2011, the eyes may be a little larger, the muzzle shorter and the body slightly more cobby, but there is no denying that these dogs are both Chihuahuas.

Conformation plays an important role in the world of purebreds in that it sets a standard for HOW these dogs should appear. By having a standard in place, we are able to determine which animals are the best examples and therefore the most beneficial to breed in order to create exemplary progeny. The concept  is valid in both the show and the working varieties but, as it should be, in the working world it comes secondary to a dogs ability to function and really only serves as far as the animal should be structurally sound to perform its intended task. I'd really enjoy seeing a working Border Collie owner suddenly become deeply concerned with the quantity and length of his dogs' coat, haha!

Therefore, of course, it IS a double-sided coin. When you set in place a thoroughly written account which describes in detail the ideal specimen of your breed, which will always be an unobtainable goal no matter what show people tell you, you open the floodgates of 'type' obsession. "Type" refers to that far away perfection but it seems that preferences truly go in and out of vogue as the years roll on.

An excellent example of this phenomenon is the modern show line of the German Shepherd. At some point in fairly recent history, the "flying trot" for the dog - ie the fluid gait highlighting rear end angulation while the dog is in motion - became the be all and end all of the German Shepherd. Dogs that had more of a slope to their topline (back) seemed to carry this movement more favorably in the eyes of the judges. Other handlers and breeder took note and thus, despite hundreds of years dictating something completely different, a 'type' was born.

As with all matters of aesthetic (think: corsets and plastic surgery), we humans took that idea of 'flying trots' and ran with it. Right in to the ground. And we're still digging!!!! The average show GSD now possesses a topline akin to the finest ski slopes in Aspen. Which goes appropriately with their hocks that now seem to glide horizontally around the ring like an expensive pair of Lacroix. In our perverse quest to make the perfect GSD, we have gone so far beyond the realm of reason and good sense that the current stock is no more than a weak-nerved, oversized and ridiculously shaped parody of itself.

Riddled with a laundry list of genetic issues ten miles long, the AKC show Shepherd is 'trotting' itself into oblivion. And there at least half a dozen more breeds that spring to mind who have suffered the same fate in the name of ring-side glory.

But.

I digress.

Chihuahuas, by and large, are unchanged. They are not wholly unaffected by the show ring but have not been systematically ruined. (Yet). They ARE, however, subject to a much more troublesome problem that I intend to discuss in my next post: unethical breeding practices. For as awful as I find most show bred dogs to look they are at least (usually) health tested and their genetic lineage meticulously recorded. Regrettably, the same can not be said for the booming pet store and BYB industries. But......I will leave that for my next rambling.

So, in closing, I leave you (Sophie, my one reader) with this thought:
“For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it. For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it.”

 Ivan Panin quotes (Russian mathematician1855-1942)

Doppelgangers.

Your look-alike. Everyone has one. Some people have a lot of them. I don't know if I'd really like that my face was so popular.

Famous people often resemble other famous people. And in some cases, a caricature of someone long dead will bring to mind a still-living actor........

And sometimes, our resemblances are geared more toward fiction.......

I think we can all agree that a Doppelganger is not necessarily a flattering term.

Is this thing still here?!

I've been busy and I'm a notoriously lazy blogger so (Sophie, my one reader) apologies if updates are few and far between and occasionally lacking in interesting content or become a jumbling pile of thought from me trying to make up for lost time.

It has been a GOOD couple of weeks but hellishly busy and distracting. I'd like to say that although I never really intentionally did much training with Lucy off leash that I was thrilled and pleased with her leashless walking abilities. She was spazzing out like a douche on our last hike with Quinn (my BC/ACD/Something implacably calm mix) and kept weaving through the bigger dogs legs so I decided to experiment and let her loose. She stayed within a 3 foot radius of me at all times, for about an hour and forty minutes of walking and had excellent recall. Whenever she lagged or got distracted a quick "Keep up, Lucille!" or "Move it along, Monkey-butt" got her back up to speed =-)

I only mean Monkey-Butt in the most endearing of ways, just in case you were wondering. Anyone who has seen my youtube videos of the dogs knows they are peppered with affectionate insults and swearing. This is how I speak to them when the cameras aren't rolling....and also how I speak to everyone I care about. You precious little fucktards!

So that got me thinking. Why don't I actually train Lucy to do anything except turn oxygen into carbon dioxide?

Simply put......I don't NEED to. Not to start a flaming 'sperg war on 'working dogs' vs 'companion breeds' (although my personal opinion on the matter is that companion breeds are more versatile and just as useful as a working breed; in most cases a much more viable option as a pet and friend because what you can DO with them is actually a lot less limited and you even have the option of not doing much at all which is fine too. I shudder to think what an agility BC owner would do if they broke a leg or something and couldn't run their dog!) but I just don't have an overwhelming desire to make something of Lucy other than what she already is.


Health issues aside ( that haven't been a problem in well over a year, thank Jeebus and knock on wood!), Lucy is startlingly low maintenance. She loves strangers, her exercise requirements are nill even though she's game for whatever I do want to throw at her, her daily intake of food is made even more insignificant when compared to our other four dogs, she travels like a champ, she rarely barks, she wants to stay snuggled in her crate until 11am and if you don't want her on your lap firstly "Fuck you, why wouldn't you want me here?!" but then "Whatever, I'll find my own spot....again, fuck you." Her grooming needs are not and aside from a coat in the winter, this dog really isn't a big deal.

I generally use the above list as a reason why my husband should let me adopt a sixth dog since really, does Lucy even count, but again, it got me thinking. The off leash hike has me of two minds. On the one, clearly, Lucy is just as well behaved as I had always assumed so mission accomplished there. On the other hand though, I wonder if I have missed some golden opportunity to make a good Obedience dog or....something else 'useful'. Have I done Lucy a disservice by making her 'just a pet'?

I suppose not. She's a happy little fuck. And I HAVE trained her. I socialized the ever-loving crap out of her when she was a puppy and still technically belonged to someone else. I made sure she knew that her little ass was WALKING when we went someplace and not being toted around. I was lucky in that she had no inclinations to be carried long distances even as a baby and wanted to be able to explore so that stage went smoothly. She met dogs of all shapes and sizes. She learned what a car trip was and that her crate is the awesomest place.I introduced her to children, including my numerous nieces and nephews. She gets stupidly excited when she sees little kids now, although she has warned one of my nieces when enough is enough and we intervened on both their behalves.

A couple of days ago I had Lucy and another one of my dogs in Petsmart to pick up another crate and some replacement Kongs. At the register, they went nuts because they associate cashiers with treats and glory but the best part was a woman with 5 little kids coming up behind us! The kids were cooing and asked to pet the dogs......I didn't even have to tell the dogs to say hi, once I said "Sure, they're friendly" both rushed forward to be engulfed in luuuuuvvvvvssss. They asked her name and one of the girls got all giddy and said "MY name is LUCIA!!!!" so they bonded hard. Dogs and children were equally reluctant to part ways. We then went to our locally owned feed store to buy dog and cat food (I only go to Petsmart if I have a gift card because Yay, local business!) where the dogs thought they had surely died and gone to Heaven to get TWO cashier visits in one hour!!!!

This was a prime example of what I think the main objective is of every average dog owner. We went to a Place and my dogs didn't shame me all the way back to the car.

For someone who doesn't dream of ribbons and pride and who doesn't have a working bred dog tearing down their drywall in an effort to be Doing A Thing, what higher goal could there be? I won't lie to you my (one) reader. I would fucking ADORE to have a good competition dog some day. Some day, but not today. This isn't the right time. What I DO have are three dogs who can pretty do anything with me, one reactive dog with too much terrier for my liking that is much MUCH better than she was but still kind of a dick and one fearful dog who has come leaps and bounds but has many miles left untraveled before I could feasibly take her to a Petsmart. When I think about them, and I think about Lucy, I am so very very very very glad and grateful to have her as she is, a solid 'foundation' dog who requires so little, is so predictable and so steady. It is a comfort to know I can work with the 'problem' children, work out with the 'good dawgs' that need more exercise than she and still be confident that Lucy will remain as she is and ever was if I can't focus on her too long during that time. No soiled rugs, no chewed floor molding, no decimated shoes. Just a Lucy sleeping in a blanket until its her turn. Or time for dinner. No regal Chihuahua decorum during feeding time. Nobody's perfect.


So........ I have a well-rounded, well-behaved toy breed who is quiet, friendly and polite. She was always a good puppy but I did put some actual effort into shaping her personality. This is a dog I can comfortably take anywhere and I'm not worried about what might happen in the wrong situation. And in spite of all her good qualities, particularly being about as food motivated as a street urchin in Calcutta, when I am pragmatic on the subject, I'm not really confident in her attention span to learn specific tasks beyond Sit, Stay, Leave It and Go To Bed. And I know that *I* don't have anything else that I really need from her beyond what she already gives me.

 There are other dogs in this house that, given the time, money and ability to run an actual course (I have health problems putting a pretty sizeable block in the middle of THAT road) that I should/could/WOULD do agility with. Or flyball. Or Obedience. And they would be almost certainly better than Lucy at it and quite definitely would benefit more from being worked than she-of-the-comfy-blanket.

My Chihuahua is a pet. Only a pet. So much more, but never anything else to the outside world. And my conclusion is? That's one-hundred percent all right by me.

Do they look like a single fuck is given?

Nope.

Will I be beautiful, Mama? Will they all love me?

I must confess, I'm having a bout of malaise. It isn't a big 'smiling' period in my life. We're kind of up against some things we can't control and I've reached a point where it is either Up By My Bootstraps -or- Wallow in This Forever.

So I thought I'd do a little something to amuse myself. (Note: you should start humming "I Feel Pretty" right about now, if you know the song....)

"Do I turn you on?"

"Give us a kiss, will ya, love?"


........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................I am so so sorry.



No living creature was harmed in the making of this post and Lucy was cleaned of her non-toxic beauty regime as soon as the pictures were taken.

Don't we all feel much better now? :D

"So let me get...to the point....Let's roll.....another tnioj.......

 ".....And turn the radio loud....I'm too alone...to be prouuddddd....." (Thank you, Tom Petty, for inspiring this post title and having your song stuck in my head for days now!)


In this world there are certain eye/facial structures that, when happy, will look stoned beyond reason, no matter what. Steve Buscemi has such a face. Lucy has such a face. There are so many unusual features between the two of them- their eyes, the way their smiles manage to look slightly diabolical and of course, the infamous choppers.

Now, I am a HUGE fan of crooked teeth. It was a dark, dark day for me when David Bowie had his fixed. However, I had not considered the creative version of dentition Lucy possesses to ever be what you would call a 'good' thing.

Chihuahuas as a breed are subject to weak, easily infected teeth. It comes from having such small jaws, with everything jammed closer together and is a plague for most toy breeds these days. Lucy's teeth are clean, very little plaque build up and she gets regular brushing. But for all of my precautionary measures, her poor breeding will out; most of her incisors are very weakly rooted and have been falling out over the last couple of years. No biggie, she still has her molars and canines and can eat dry kibble like a champ.

She is also very heat tolerant, but on the hottest of day she will pant like a regular dog. Except that it looks ten thousand times more disturbing.

So, we can couple a smirky grin, heavy lidded and slightly wall-eyed face with the opposite of porcelain veneers to achieve:

The adorably perma-baked!!!!


The Buscemi image came from some dental website advocating that he should fix his teeth lest he never play the 'hero'. Boo-freaking-hoo?

Seriously, the best thing about Steve Buscemi is that he is STEVE BUSCEMI and the teeth are part of the package. Just like Lucy. And if she loses them all, I will take endless photos of her tongue flopping impotently out the corner of her mouth and post them for all to see. Just try and stop me! *Maniacal Laughter*



Ahem.

Remembering Winter in Summer.

I can't help but think that if Steve Buscemi:

had adopted Lucy's:

attitude about snowy conditions, perhaps things would have turned out better for him in "Fargo". Food for thought.


(Buscemi image Copyright Twentieth Century Fox)

The cold reality and a foreward.

Let me preface this by saying that this blog in NO WAY is meant as an insult to the real Steve Buscemi, nor does it intend to infringe on any copyrighted photos/articles/property of any kind. This is a fun, silly thing and I hope it stays that way.

Steve Buscemi is one of my most beloved actors. He has become something of an icon and his ability to morph from the seriously skuzzy, hilariously over-the-top, awkwardly endearing, brilliantly sincere, definitely insane and heart-breakingly lonely people from film to film is staggering and impressive.

He has the effortlessness of some of the world's greatest movie stars and accomplished great things while not resting on traditional good looks. He has a somewhat unusual look going for him and to me, it only enhances his awesomeness.So, when an internet stranger made the comment that my Chihuahua Lucy is the "Steve Buscemi of dogs" at first I was a little insulted......then I laughed......and then I got serious.

First things first, let's face it. There is a resemblance.
Steve Buscemi:

Source: http://www.imdb.com/media/rm1345489408/nm0000114

Aaaaaaaaaaaand Lucy:

I cannot deny it......nay, I must embrace it!

But what makes such a comparison a compliment to both my dog and her male, human, actor counterpart? I admit, Steve Buscemi has the emotional fluidity to play virtually any role whereas Lucy tends to just look mad as hell 98% of the time. It comes from within, is the cliched answer.

Most of the people (all zero of them, aside from myself, that is) who read this will have some reference to the stage presence of Steve Buscemi. He's been in gritty dramas, intellectual indie flicks (Ghost World, *drool*), summer blockbusters and he's often that small character in Adam Sandler movies that makes you unsure of whether you should laugh or feel really, really uncomfortable (I usually opt for both!). But very few, if any of you (zero people) have had the pleasure/discomfort to meet Lucy. I shall try to put it adequately in words.

Lucy is a 6 year old female Chihuahua. She is what can be called a 'mill puppy', in that she originally came from a pet store and was no doubt the result of breeding from a puppy mill. This is an abhorrent practice and I do not support it in any way. Without getting into the personal details of how Lucy came to be mine, I shall say I knew her from day one and I knew that some day she would be living with me instead. Since mill breedings are less than scrupulous in practice I must give them credit for shaping what would become Lucy's "unique" take on what a Chihuahua should look like. Were I to take her to an AKC show, we would be laughed from the ring, possibly all the way back to our house.

To put it bluntly, everything about Lucy's physical conformation is wrong. Her eyes are too bulgy and look in opposite directions, her ears are too big and are carried at an odd angle, she has a pronounced under bite, is losing teeth, her body is too long for its height, her coat is too thin, her tail is rat-like and she has weak hind knees. She is a weird looking creature that has prompted responses of "Is that really a dog?!".  Yet......she has the ability to charm nearly every person she meets.

This dog draws all eyes to her whether she's actively trying to get your attention or completely ignoring you in search of crumbs under the feed store display shelves. Once she realizes you want her to notice you, she's all tail wags and prancing about. It's a magnetism that defies her outward appearance; the confidence it what she is and her implacable pleasantness earn Lucy endearment instead of revulsion. She's gonna do what she's gonna do and your opinion on the matter means very little indeed (but it'd be cool if you wanted to give her a biscuit in the meantime). Occasionally we meet one die hard 'macho' fellow who feels the need to point out that his large dog could eat her, but typically even big guys are won over by this little pooch.

What REALLY attracts me to both Steve Buscemi and Lucy is that these are two beings who are truly comfortable in their own skin and that somehow puts the rest of us at ease around them. They draw you in to their orbit and make you feel like you could both know and really like this guy/this dog, no matter what horrible/weird thing he does on screen or if she pees on my rug/steals a treat off a shelf.

That is the true Buscemi-Lucy bond; at first you don't want to when you look at them, but once they begin to act, you fall in love. What an honor for my peculiar little dog. A little far reaching and dubious of an honor for Steve Buscemi but I like to think he'd get it.